you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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