We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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