You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
