I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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