her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
