Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
