Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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