That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
