You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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