saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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