God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just had sex on a roof
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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