I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
