just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
