I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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