I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
