I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
