What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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