I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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