gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
