I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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