Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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