Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
