Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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