Don't you send me to vm
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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