Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
