The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
