don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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