He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
