How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
