You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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