Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well you can't waste a boner
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
