Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I checked into jail on foursquare
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
