So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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