I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
