Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When are your genitals available?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
