ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
