i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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