I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
