Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
look no pants
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
