If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
