I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
