I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
