would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize