My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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