i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
