if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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