If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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