Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he told me I talked like a deaf person
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
