I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
