I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
