How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize