Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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