There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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