a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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