that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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