Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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