I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
