oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize