i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
