So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
