Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
