dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
