I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she told me i tasted like america
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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