That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
