Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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