ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
