like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize