Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
P.S. I can't hear my feet
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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