dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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