TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
