that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
