I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
