Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
